it's a grolsch glass. i don't think i've ever actually had the beer before, but the glass is pretty sweet...i'm drinking water out of it right now and it's highly satisfying.
anyway, i suppose i'm writing this for myself, as i don't think anyone actually reads this shit anymore. and that's fine...i'm beginning to realize that i should perhaps be a little more private. a little more discreet.
it's not that i don't know how to keep a secret...i've always been the confidante of my friends and i've never told anyone anything i was told not to tell. but sometimes i just don't know whether something's a secret or not. sometimes things just come out because they're the truth and i don't see the harm in talking about them (like the time my sister had just found out she was preggers and i mentioned it to my editor and my sister flipped out. how was i to know that was secret?). maybe it's because i don't keep secrets of my own. i mean, should i? i think life's too short to not be open about my shit. the more people know about me, the more they get me, right? and i've always had that thing about people getting me. ugh.
but back to the topic at hand: i'm being more private. one, because being too open was causing me grief; two, because people really don't care very much; and three, because i don't trust those motherfuckers anyway.
other than that, i've been starting to doubt my skillz at work. like, i used to be certain that i was an amazing employee. i always got my shit done, i always did it meticulously, i always pleased. and now? i'm definitely...not. which sucks. and the thing is that i don't know how to be better right now. i think i keep getting into scrapes because i mean well but don't necessarily follow directions—or, rather, suggestions. i'm really stubborn...i know it. i always think of how my mom once said that i'm stronger-willed than my sister because, even though i may not outwardly rebel, i always do what i want and don't do the things i don't want to do. egh, she may have been drunk when she said it; i don't remember.
i want to take a freaking class. i feel that i've reached a plateau in my work and need to now become an expert at one thing or another or maybe multiple things and i'll just kick ass. i want to be css zen garden good. i think i could be! i've come to really, actually enjoy html and css, and i'm interested in becoming better at photoshop and illustrator (claire opened up new vistas for me the other day with revelations about the pen tool). my website's finally looking kinda legit, too: perspectives from urban bohemia.
in other news, i've been smoking my brains out the past few weeks. i'm giving up on alcohol as a vehicle toward inebriation for the time being; my extracurricular work antics have gotten me into trouble and i mistrust the demon booze. not to say i'm not drinking at all; i don't think that could happen (also, clearly if i stole a glass from a bar—two days ago—there must have been beer in it prior and i must have drank it). but yeah, the weed. i think i'm subconsciously trying to numb myself so i don't have to think about stuff too much...otherwise i'd be paralyzed by the wide spectrum of emotions i feel daily. i won't go into that as, again, i'm trying to be more private. hopefully, though, my lungs don't give out on me, as i do find myself deep-sighing more frequently just to get enough oxygen. oh, what a mess i am. not really.
i can't really complain about life that much in the grand scheme. in the grand scheme, things are pretty good. at least i still have a job, right? one that doesn't suck balls. and even if that weren't the case and work did suck giant rhinoceros testes, i've been having great weekends with good people and, aside from spending too much money, it's been lovely.
what else, what else? i feel like there are other things i should mention.
i ran into evan and stefan two weekends ago with rachel, whom i introduced as antoun's girlfriend and it was strange to watch as my worlds continued to collide. i hadn't seen stefan in four years almost! he was SO thin, i couldn't believe it. his girlfriend was with him, too...thankfully it wasn't the nauseating one with the two kids. as for evan, we've yet to discuss the painting i'm supposed to do for him. i need to be painting again...i was on it for a hot minute but lost interest as all i wanted to do was html, all the live long day.
i want it to be summer. NOW. that phrase has become my mantra. i definitely took the weather for granted in LA...it's high time for a frolic.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
right, so i haven't written a goddamn post in a while
i've been unmotivated to share my personal shit of late. except to rachel, because i can't live without her, apparently, and we share parallel lives. and to he-who-shall-not-be-named (no, not lord voldemort), because we share bodily fluids. eww.
um, so yeah. i'm in the midst of shit these days. transition abounds! i feel like my life is slowly starting to resemble normalcy, though not really.
i need a place to live. i have 17 days to find it. i'm kinda hopping around on one foot at this point in my mounting stress and anxiety, but it's not to the point where it's making my stomach churn in my chest. still, i'm fucking excited to be finally moving out on my own after nine months of living under my sister and brother-in-law's thumbs. i can finally have a social life! i always took that shit for granted until it was gone. i can't wait to stay out all night dancing sweatily and drinking countless whiskeys till i pass out in my bed with all my makeup still on. not that i exactly enjoy the latter bit, but i feel that my freedom from slavery deserves a proper celebration. yes. 17 more days.
anyway, apartment-hunting is a chafing bitch. for real. i'm going to see a couple places this week, but i'm a little apprehensive. i'm tired of putting myself out there and being disappointed. i'm tired of weeding through fucking losers and weirdos and lunatics to find semi-normal individuals who aren't going to slash me in the night. you know what, though? i met this chick on facebook who posted an ad on the marketplace looking for a roommate and i'm actually really, really excited to meet her. i'm going to see her place next monday in clinton hill (yes, it's true, i'm succumbing to brooklyn as my poor ass just needs to swallow her pride and suck it up in the land of dirty artists and hipsters) and i told her i have a good feeling about her and her roommate and she said she has a good feeling about me, too. sweet!
she's totally japanese. and i know i swore eternal hatred of those japs because of what their ancestors did to my brethren in the motherland, but she seems awesome, and i don't really hate those dirty japs. just like i don't really hate, oh, you know, everyone. okay, that's a lie...i do hate the majority of humans, but i'm a kind soul underneath it all. or at least i try to be. not to fucking retarded cab drivers, though.
DUDE. my cabbie tonight totally fucking ripped me off! so, it's $4 to get anywhere in the village of tarrytown (yes, it's a village. i live in the sticks.) and with tip, it's $5. right, well, he drove me home from the train station tonight after work and then, upon stopping in front of my house, he told me he didn't have change for a $20. what? every cab driver should have change for a $20! my favorite cab driver, oscar, even carries around change for $100 and has given me said change at 7:30 in the morning before he's even had any customers. i mean, that's fucking good service right there. anyway, so lameass fucker didn't have change for a $20 and proposed that i leave my $20 with him and call his company in the morning for the change he owed me. um, fuck no. so then he said he'd have to drive me back down toward the train station to the 7-11 to get change. i was so pissed at this point, i was like, "fine! just go! go!" and he went. he took my $20 and went inside to get the change, but then only gave me $13 back! meanwhile, i'd been like, "you're not going to charge me extra because you have to drive to the 7-11, right?" because it was his fucking fault for not having change, after all. he mumble something about having to pay $2 to get the change and i was so irate that i just yelled at him all the way home and slammed the car door upon disembarking. i didn't even try to wheedle the $2 out of him; i've just sworn that i will slash his fucking tires and face the next time i see him.
anyway, back to transition abounding. i pretty much love my job and the people i work with and i'm so happy not to be working at instyle anymore because my friend who's still stuck there interning gets paid minimum wage to work her ass off and not do what she wants to do, which is design. meanwhile, i get to design and write and do other such good shit all the live long day. and we laugh! we laugh all day long because we are all so hilarious. everyone at instyle was so goddamn serious except for ingrid, with whom i'd crack up constantly (we'd make fun of everyone else and secretly drink pilfered rum in our office). she was a great supervisor/boss and i fucking miss her. we keep trying to make plans to meet up but then she drops off the face of the earth and when she resurfaces, we have to start all over again with the planning. oh well. 17 more days and i can go hunt her ass down.
ugh, i'm sleepy. i started this post last night and was too unmotivated to finish and now i'm trying to finish but i'm tired and don't have the same train of thought i did yesterday. so i guess i'll just quit while i'm ahead. i'll try to write more frequently (sarah, i know you miss my blogs and, really, i'm doing this mostly for you, babe).
and...adieu.
um, so yeah. i'm in the midst of shit these days. transition abounds! i feel like my life is slowly starting to resemble normalcy, though not really.
i need a place to live. i have 17 days to find it. i'm kinda hopping around on one foot at this point in my mounting stress and anxiety, but it's not to the point where it's making my stomach churn in my chest. still, i'm fucking excited to be finally moving out on my own after nine months of living under my sister and brother-in-law's thumbs. i can finally have a social life! i always took that shit for granted until it was gone. i can't wait to stay out all night dancing sweatily and drinking countless whiskeys till i pass out in my bed with all my makeup still on. not that i exactly enjoy the latter bit, but i feel that my freedom from slavery deserves a proper celebration. yes. 17 more days.
anyway, apartment-hunting is a chafing bitch. for real. i'm going to see a couple places this week, but i'm a little apprehensive. i'm tired of putting myself out there and being disappointed. i'm tired of weeding through fucking losers and weirdos and lunatics to find semi-normal individuals who aren't going to slash me in the night. you know what, though? i met this chick on facebook who posted an ad on the marketplace looking for a roommate and i'm actually really, really excited to meet her. i'm going to see her place next monday in clinton hill (yes, it's true, i'm succumbing to brooklyn as my poor ass just needs to swallow her pride and suck it up in the land of dirty artists and hipsters) and i told her i have a good feeling about her and her roommate and she said she has a good feeling about me, too. sweet!
she's totally japanese. and i know i swore eternal hatred of those japs because of what their ancestors did to my brethren in the motherland, but she seems awesome, and i don't really hate those dirty japs. just like i don't really hate, oh, you know, everyone. okay, that's a lie...i do hate the majority of humans, but i'm a kind soul underneath it all. or at least i try to be. not to fucking retarded cab drivers, though.
DUDE. my cabbie tonight totally fucking ripped me off! so, it's $4 to get anywhere in the village of tarrytown (yes, it's a village. i live in the sticks.) and with tip, it's $5. right, well, he drove me home from the train station tonight after work and then, upon stopping in front of my house, he told me he didn't have change for a $20. what? every cab driver should have change for a $20! my favorite cab driver, oscar, even carries around change for $100 and has given me said change at 7:30 in the morning before he's even had any customers. i mean, that's fucking good service right there. anyway, so lameass fucker didn't have change for a $20 and proposed that i leave my $20 with him and call his company in the morning for the change he owed me. um, fuck no. so then he said he'd have to drive me back down toward the train station to the 7-11 to get change. i was so pissed at this point, i was like, "fine! just go! go!" and he went. he took my $20 and went inside to get the change, but then only gave me $13 back! meanwhile, i'd been like, "you're not going to charge me extra because you have to drive to the 7-11, right?" because it was his fucking fault for not having change, after all. he mumble something about having to pay $2 to get the change and i was so irate that i just yelled at him all the way home and slammed the car door upon disembarking. i didn't even try to wheedle the $2 out of him; i've just sworn that i will slash his fucking tires and face the next time i see him.
anyway, back to transition abounding. i pretty much love my job and the people i work with and i'm so happy not to be working at instyle anymore because my friend who's still stuck there interning gets paid minimum wage to work her ass off and not do what she wants to do, which is design. meanwhile, i get to design and write and do other such good shit all the live long day. and we laugh! we laugh all day long because we are all so hilarious. everyone at instyle was so goddamn serious except for ingrid, with whom i'd crack up constantly (we'd make fun of everyone else and secretly drink pilfered rum in our office). she was a great supervisor/boss and i fucking miss her. we keep trying to make plans to meet up but then she drops off the face of the earth and when she resurfaces, we have to start all over again with the planning. oh well. 17 more days and i can go hunt her ass down.
ugh, i'm sleepy. i started this post last night and was too unmotivated to finish and now i'm trying to finish but i'm tired and don't have the same train of thought i did yesterday. so i guess i'll just quit while i'm ahead. i'll try to write more frequently (sarah, i know you miss my blogs and, really, i'm doing this mostly for you, babe).
and...adieu.
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